Q: My 6 yr old daughter is not overweight, and is actually tall and quite thin. She LOVES to eat, all the time. She thinks about food and talks about food very often. My real concern is that she always eats 100% of what is given, and if allowed to have more (I usually don’t offer), she seems to honestly have no limits. She especially loves sweets. I’m concerned about how emotionally attached she seems to food, and mostly, that she does not seem to have an ability to notice fullness. Can you help me?
A: I follow the advice given by internationally recognized feeding expert, Ellyn Satter, RD, LCSW. She has some great books available such as Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense and Your Child’s Weight: Helping Without Harming. Her division of responsibility (DOR) of feeding is supported by the American Academy of Pediatrics and American Dietetic Association.
If you are not already familiar with it, DOR basically says that parents decide the “what,” “when,” and “where” of feeding and children decide the “how much” and “whether” of eating. The idea is that children know how much food to eat when provided with a variety in structured settings (regular meals and snacks at the table). While most parents complain that their young children do not eat enough, in some cases, a child might need much more food at mealtime.
When children want more and don’t get it, they can become obsessed with food and eat more when they get a chance (especially when parents aren’t around). And sweets are even more attractive because they are rich in calories.
I recommend that you provide meals for your daughter and when she’s done ask her if she wants more. Continue to feed her until she says she’s full. At first she’ll probably eat much more because she can, but after a while she will get the idea that she can have enough food and will eat as much as she needs (which still might be a lot for her metabolism).
The same thing goes with sweets. Offer them once or twice a week (at the table) and let her have as much as she wants. Assure her that she can have more another time.
Research shows that restricting intake and limiting access to sweet foods increases children’s preferences for such foods. What happens is something called “scarcity” where children feel food is scarce and want more. My dad was like this because he grew up poor and didn’t have regular access to food (he ate all of our leftovers). I don’t believe you are overly restricting her, just not allowing her to have more if she wants. But if she has a really high metabolism (being tall and thin) and is still hungry after eating what you serve, this could create scarcity for her.
Children also need a little more fat than adults so it’s okay to have butter with bread and regular cheese. Protein foods (eggs, chicken, fish, meat) are more satiating so you’ll want to make sure you are maximizing these items at mealtime. For example, cold cereal and fruit probably wouldn’t be enough sustenance for her in the morning.
You also can help her realize when she’s full by asking her, when she says she wants more, if her tummy is full. If you see her turning to food to deal with problems, encourage her to use non-food ways to solve them.
Response: I just wanted to tell you, your words really hit me–in a good way. I started that very day asking my daughter if she would like more after she finished her plate. It’s been 3 days, and I have offered more at every meal, and she has said yes each time. I have given more fruit or vegetable, and she eats all of it and then says she’s full now. I really feel a lot better, giving her the responsibility back to make the choice. And I can see in her face a change–she feels like I am trusting her to make a decision. This is really big for our relationship, and I already feel so much better not having food be such a weighty issue between us at this age.
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This information on this site is for educational purposes only and does not take the place of medical advice. Please verify with your healthcare provider.
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my nephew eats well.. i think my brother did good job in making him eat healthy foods… they are living it also so the child can see..
one time, my nephew saw me drinking a soda… and he went “soda.. YUCK” hahaha so cute and it really did tug a conscience there.. hahahah
Ortodonzia Implantologia Chirurgia Posturologia Igiene Orale
This has been an extremely!! frustrating topic for me with my 3 – now 4 yr old daughter. It seems like she never stops talking about when the next meal time is. When she plays it always involves something with food. I have felt like a terrible mom but I don’t even know why or what I’ve done to make this such an obsession for her. This article gives me hope. I will try it. I just pray that it works!
my son is just like this but, he will not stop, after i give him more, if i was not their to watch him he would eat untill he threw up. it has gotten bad, he hets his lunch( for school) on the bus and then tells his techers i forgot to pack it so he buys his lunch, (after he ate brkfast at home!) i dont know what to do, it is getting out of hand, and the teachers are coming to me , telling me he is eatting anything he can get his hands on, off the floor, trash, and even other kids, even paper, i feel like such a bad mother, i feed my kids heathy i think, or best i can , they get the junk food from time to time, but if anyone has any ideas or tips, please help, oh he could eat and would if left to eat a med pizza on his own, he has ate 8 slices before on a field . everyone jsut tells me he is jsut “hungy” he need to eat more, HELP>>
both of these comments sound like our house, especially April…my daughter has always ate a ton but she started school in September and every single day since then (I am not generalizing, I mean literally every day) she has done one or more of the following:
stole food
ate out of the trash can
begs and pesters others for their food until she gets some
It’s humiliating as a parent to keep getting calls from school. She is alienating herself from her peers. Her doctors have run test after test to make sure it’s not medical and we have an appt in June with a specialist 4 hours away… I am beyond frustrated with this situation. She knows it’s wrong because she lies to cover it up.
We’ve tried teaching positive/healthy habits, we’ve tried different punishments (chores, early bedtime, spanking), we’ve tried letting her eat until she throws up (which she does)…we’ve tried about 5 sessions of therapy before i gave up on it. If anyone has been through this and seen changes or found a different solution…anything. Please comment. I’m book marking this page in hopes that someone somewhere has been through this and made it through with a healthy, happy child…
Thanks for this great article. I found another interesting one written by a therapist – http://mentallyhealthyfamily.com/2011/07/30/children-who-seem-obsessed-with-food/ that was helpful as well. As a mother of a teenage boy, I struggle to know whether he is just an average teenage boy who is hungry versus obsessed with food. It’s helpful to see how restricting his food can make the problem worse. Thanks.
Thanks for the article Angela!
My daughter is 7, i’m really starting to worry about her food obsession. She constantly talks about food, she plays with her 3 year old sister and all i hear is what do you want for breakfast, what do you want for lunch, do you want cake I do. Want some candy… she would get a sandwich an apple and a bag of crackers for lunch, she kept hounding kids at lunch for their food, so the teacher said you need to pack another sandwich so she stops bothering the kids because they get uncomfortible. So we did…no change it’s still not enough for her. Then when she gets home, her popa usualy gives her 2 snacks and a glass of milk(We live with my husbands parents.) My biggest concern though is her health. Diabetes is a huge facter in my family and also her biological fathers fam, as well as high cholesteral. A couple years ago her levels were real high and took a year of good diet to get it back on track. Now nana and popa have fried fish and chips and fried chicken and chips, she doesnt know when to stop! Please help!!
It’s probably too late to reply to Holly, but her child’s situation sounds eerily familiar to me as a parent of a child who has Prader-Willi Syndrome. It’s (at this time) the only known genetic syndrome for obesity. One of the hallmarks is the inability to ever feel full – no matter how much is eaten. Eventually we will have to lock our freezers, fridge, pantry, all food up. She will never be allowed to go anywhere alone -without an aide or family – simply because she will eat herself to death otherwise. It’s a heartbreaking syndrome, and my own daughter has it as well. If she happens to come back and read this comment, and her daughter has it, there are online support groups and help out there. First stop should be a chat with Dr. Jennifer Miller in Gainesville, Florida (who specializes in helping children with this disorder). She’s amazing. My daughter is in 2 studies for this rare syndrome and at visit over Christmas to Dr. Butler and his team in KCKS at KUMed Center, we found out there are now 10 identified subtypes of this syndrome.
Hi there, I am also in the same boat. My daughter is now 6 and we have noticed the problem with the food obsession the past 3 years have gotten really bad. She also would sneak food whenever and where ever she found the opportunity. She also never gets the “full” feeling, always asking for more, often able to out eat me and my husband. Its not only with over eating, its that she is always thinking of it, she will play with her food, move it around on her plate multiple times before she actually takes a bite, chews slowly (if i didnt keep on her, it would take her over an hr to eat).
I have a 2 year old and when he was first born and would wake in the middle of the night, I would find her up at 3am with a bunch of food (not just 1 thing, but several items). This is when we started getting really concerned because now its a safety issue, she could choke to death in the middle of the night and we would have no idea! When we started putting a lock on the pantry door, she would head for the trash to see what she could eat out of there! She also is thin, but shes not under weight. When we approached the doctor about it, he tested her for the prada-willi, and the tests came back negative. So now we are just trying to deal with this and honestly it may kill me, because its so stressful! We just went on christmas vacation, and when we were there, she snuck food more than once also, we found items missing, wrappers in the garbage and all along side of her bed. Never did I think she would do this on vacation, but clearly its something mental. Im at my whits end with this, I have scheduled her a neurologist appointment because I found something on the internet called Hypothalamus dysfunction. There are many different things this has to do with regulating and I have found almost all of them in my daughter. So hopefully we can see if this is the issue, somewhere no one else would think to check…her brain! I will keep everyone posted on the results when we do find something, but who knows, we may never know…good luck ladies!
Thank you all for continued replies. @ Laurie, they actually tested my daughter too, even had a scan of her brain done to see if there was a tumor or something pushing on her gland because that, we were told, could cause her symptoms. They also did a lot of blood tests. Her tests and scan all came back normal… I was almost disappointed because I thought we were finally going to finally get help from this problem which eas consuming iur whole family -and a distraction at her school! When that and PradaWilli were ruled out they wanted to send her to a psychiatrist for medication?! Said it could be a firm of OCD where her focus is solely on food. I tried counselors first but all three said it was too big for them to handle and that she really needed to see someone that could medicate and do play therapy with her. I ran into too many insurance obstacles so we have pretty much given up. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of medicating my (Now) 7 year old anyhow. I’m sad to say this issue still causes incredible termoil on our home BUT happy to report the behaviors have decreased in intensity. She still sneaks, over eats, will NEVER refuse food offered, hints around to people that she’s hungry (manipulates them into offering food), and she gets an attitude when and if We limit her intake…. Not sure if it’s the harsh discipline we resorted to ( what else is there after the options are all tried?) but I feel like ut’s progress. She does not normally eat from trash cans anymore and as far as I know does not steal or bully other kids into giving her food either. Stay strong ladies, it’s scary and it’s frustrating, and sometimes (to be blunt) embarrassing, but after 18 month of the extreme obsession we seem to be in a better place, there is hope. (sorry for typos, on my phone)
I think I have replied to most of you personally. For those who have not recieved a medical diagnosis of Prader Willi you might want to check out Ellyn Satter’s recent webinar on obesity prevention. I know there are no simple answers, and it sounds like many of these cases are complicated, Satter does have a lot of wisdom to share about the feeding dynamic and how important it can be. http://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/webinars.php
I wanted to add something here about Prader Willi Syndrome.
My daughter was diagnosed with the SECOND test. The first test came back negative. When a month later in the hospital with still no movement, they did a second, different test. I think the first one was a FISH test and the second was a methylation test, but don’t quote me on that; it’s been a while.
She is currently in two studies on PWS. When we went this past December 2011, one of the researchers told us that in the past year they have found TEN different subtypes of Prader Willi Syndrome. It’s on a scale, like autism. And they could tell us some of the traits she personally would experience. For example, they could tell us she will have strong maternal bonding instinct and that her OCD and ODD behaviors would be a little more intense but the food seeking and hunger would be a little less intense (not running away to find food for example). While I’m not saying every child with a hunger issue has PWS, there are lots of examples on the PWS page of parents who had their child diagnosed after several different tests. Smith Magenis is another syndrome that has hyperphagia as part of it.
On the other hand, I love the Ellyn Satter Institute principals and ideas, and wish so badly that we could incorporate them into our family life so that we have a normal food dynamic for those in our family who are not PWS. I wish there was a solution to that! I’m trying to use what I can from the institute where it won’t interfere with food security for Olivia.
(Not trying to hijack this page, honestly)…. to the mom whose child might have hypthalmic dysfunction…. Dr. Miller is an endocrinologist who specializes in obesity dysfuncntion issues. She has a child in her professional care who has POMC…. the only child in the US who has it… with similar issues. So she doesn’t just deal with PWS, but the endocrine issues with food and obesity related disorders.
Wow unfortunate to say, but i’m glad to see im not the only person in the world that is dealing with this. My 9 yr old step daughter has been sneaking food for 5 yrs now. Not only that, its the only thing on her mind all day everyday. It drives me nuts! What is for breakfast, what is for lunch, what is for dinner? I quit answering her because it gets on my nerves so bad! She watches the clock for the next meal time, as soon as those clock hands hit the 12 IT IS LUNCH TIME YAY! She writes stories, plays, talks and it always involves food. She says “well why do i only get three things in my lunch? (sandwhich, snack, fruit) When i go to the next grade will i still only get three things? When i get to high school what time will we have lunch?” She manipulates and lies to get more. She will eat until she throws up and never gets full. She gets into trouble for sneaking it all the time and the very next day is doing it again. I have found hundres of wrappers hiddin under toys, stuffed in jewelery boxes, in her bed, and other places. We keep the cabinet locked. I know people say if it isnt there she wont eat it but im 31 and under weight so i feel that it isnt fair. Why????? This is ruining my family. Does anybody have any answers? Please help!
Christry, I feel your pain!! I hope you find answers.. If you do please tell me. I don’t think people understand how frustrating that this is.. It takes away from my other children.. And I hate that..
Please feel free to email me would live to have someone to talk to that is going thu the same thing..
Strayer 502 at gmail . Com
Hello,
PLEASE don’t use that article mentioned above from mentally healthy… All the tactics described are ones I commonly see in the families I work with where the children are food “obsessed.” Pushing “healthy” foods, making the child wait 20 minutes, serving “healthy portions” all increases a child’s unhealthy interest in foods. I work with clients on this topic which is VERY scary and difficult to treat. I HIGHLY recommend Your Child’s Weight, Helping Without Harming, and Ellyn just did a great article http://www.ellynsatter.com/january-2012-family-meals-focus-65-do-children-lose-the-ability-to-self-regulate-i-182.html about this topic. I find that parents need to be absolutely reliable about filling meals and snacks every 2-3 hours for little ones and every 3-4 hours for older kids. All the talk about nutrition, moderation, being “healthy” to children is counterproductive. Then, parents need to white-knuckle it while they allow children to decide they are full, even if they vomit a few times. It is scary as hell (I have been there, with my 16 month old at the time.) Mich of what I do with parents is help support them through that transition time. How to handle parties, eating out, snacks, meals… But, after the scary transition time, children can and do self-regulate.
This is a worrying trend that seems to be increasing, and I think much of the worry about obesity, portions, “health” etc is fueling these feeding problems, that I fear will lead to increased rates of disordered eating. This is a very important topic, thanks Marianne! The key is prevention. Teaching mothers and fathers of infants about the division of responsibility. Almost universally with my clients, the obsession comes about because parents worry about a large child, or want to try to get a child to eat less… (This is all assuming there is no medical condition, which is extremely rare…)
Since we’re talking about healthy eating at mealtimes, do you (the dieticians) have any suggestions for how to create a healthy mindset in my oldest daughter (5), when we have to restrict calories, restrict portions, restrict carbs, plate food, have strict mealtimes (food security) and all food on counters locked away for my youngest?
For those moms who have children who won’t stop obsessing about food, I feel your pain. My PWS daughter just ate a banana this morning when I wasn’t looking – I accidentally left it on the counter and she pulled over a chair and ate the tip of it before I realized it. I hate that food can’t be fun in our house and I don’t know how to meet both their needs. I would love to hear ideas.
Laurie — Your situation is unique because of the medical issues. I would seek out support groups or a dietitian that specializes in PW. I will look up to see if I can find anything.
I’m a first time mom with no babysitting experience. Everything is new to me and a bit overwhelming. I struggle with feeding as its more of a hassle to feed solids than to just make a bottle with 1/2 formula, 1/2 whole milk and a couple scoops of rice cereal. That is what he heats mostly and then whatever we are eating if its something he likes. It seems like we waste a lot of food and its more like an experiment or an art project than an actual meal. He’s 16 months old and I’m wondering if I’m depriving him by feeding mo bottles still. Id say 85% of what he eats is from a bottle. How many calories a day do kids need at his age?