Make your bed. Clean your room. And eat your veggies!
I often hear parents lump kids’ eating in the same category as other chores. But eating food is different — very different. As we discussed in the other post on rewarding kids with food, the way we feed our children imprints their eating for years, even after they leave the nest.
So what are the long-term effects of forcing a child to eat? Let’s take a look…
The Research
After digging in the research I found a study published in the 2002 issue of Appetite surveying over 100 college students. Of these young adults, 70% said they had experienced forced-food consumption during childhood. Most often than not, the forcer was a parent and the common forced foods included vegetables, red meat and seafood.
The scenario goes something like this: the forcer coerces the forcee to eat the target food for reasons such as health, variety and waste. The most common tactics used were threats such as no dessert or staying at the table. In over half of these cases there was a stand-off lasting an average of 50 minutes!
What is most interesting is the internal conflict the forcees experienced — 31% experienced strong conflict, 41% moderate conflict and 29% slight conflict. Forty-nine percent said they cried, 55% experienced nausea, and 20% vomited. Most of the responses to the experience were negative with feelings of anger, fear, disgust, confusion and humiliation. The forcees also experienced feelings such as lack of control and helplessness.
Will they freely choose “that” food?
When asked if they would now eat the food they were forced to eat in childhood, 72% said they would not. The researcher’s explanation is that when a child finally gives in and eats something he doesn’t want to, he “loses” and the parent “wins.” So later in life, when he can freely choose the food on his own, he chooses to “win.”
Also, forced food consumption that results in gagging, vomiting and overall disgust can cause food aversions. Pickier kids tend to be more sensitive to different textures so being made to eat something that offends them can make that item displeasing for many years, if not a lifetime.
When asked if the forced consumption changed their overall eating habits as adults, over one-third said yes. Of those who said yes, 73% said it limited their diet and 27% said it made them more open to new foods. While this is only one study, and it does not prove cause and effect, it’s important food for thought.
The Opposite Effect
After studying the feeding literature over the last few years, it’s clear that many of the feeding strategies parents employ have the opposite effect. Forcing and pressuring causes kids to eat less and dislike certain foods. Restricting children makes them want to eat more.
I think a lot of it comes down to distrust. Parents have trouble believing their children will eventually learn to like a variety of foods on their own. When kids are highly food neophobic (afraid of foods), which peaks between 2 and 6, they can be very adamant about new foods, saying things like “I’ll never eat that!” If a parent doesn’t understand the child’s development, and that this is normal and will lessen with time, they’ll be more likely to fight against it making the stage last longer.
So as you can see, eating is different from other habits such as cleaning and brushing teeth. It involves taste, texture, appetite, temperament, listening and trust. It’s not about making or tricking a child eat what’s in front of them, but creating the circumstances that will help a child eat well today, and 20 years from now.
So tell me, were you forced to eat food as a kid? How does it affect your eating today?
For more on all things feeding, join the Fearless Feeding Movement on Facebook.
References
Batsell, R.W., Brown, A.S., Ansfield, M.E., and Paschall, GY. “You Will Eat All of That!”: A Retrospective Analysis of Forced Consumption Episodes. Appetite. 2002, 38 (3), 211-219.
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You should check out this book:
http://karenlebillon.com/books/
I think there is more to this that just “not forcing” kids to eat certain foods. You would be shocked at what kids eat here (I am an American living in France). And its not because they like it at first. But, then as they grow they learn to appreciate variety in food. I am sure positive societal pressure plays a role as well, but in my view, you can’t just let your kids only eat what interests them. You can’t let them stay on a “beige” diet just because you are afraid of turning them off from other food. I think you should expect them to eat like adults. I don’t know, I can just tell you, it works here.
I want to add, that if food culture in America in general were better, I would say you could trust your kid’s tastes to grow, but its not good, and you can’t really trust that they are going to grow up make good choices on their own. Statistically, they probably won’t.
My son is WAY beyond the typical neophobic stage–he’s 10–but he still refuses to even try any fruits or vegetables. We’re talking none: zero fruits, zero vegetables. It drives me nuts, but I haven’t ever tried to force him. I’m ashamed to admit I did once try to bribe him. I offered him 20 bucks to just try a bite of broccoli. I even said he could spit it out if he didn’t like it and he still refused!
What makes this even more frustrating is that I’m studying to be a holistic health coach because I’m so passionate about nutrition and wellness, and yet I can’t even get my own kid to eat a healthful diet. I have three older children (all of whom are now grown) and this wasn’t an issue with any of them. They all ate a varied, nutritious diet from a very young age, and still do. It’s just this one.
He lives on cereal, sandwiches, meat, crackers, pizza, and mac and cheese. He will eat rice or quinoa as a side. That’s it. And this has been going on for YEARS. His pediatrician told me once not to worry about it, but that was a long time ago.
I’m beginning to despair that he’ll ever grow out of this and clearly my hands-off approach hasn’t been working. If forcing and pressuring (and bribing) doesn’t work either, then what will??
I was forced to eat – even through high school. I recall choosing to be grounded over eating something when I was maybe 18 years old. Ironically, last night I forced myself to eat fish, which was a food I used to be forced to eat as a child. I do not like it to this day and I have negative feelings toward it, but only try to eat it now because I am aware of its health benefits.
@Healther — Thanks for your comment. If you read other articles on my blog, you’ll see that I do not recommend feeding kids just what they like. The key is for kids to provide a variety of food and make feeding positive. In some cases, a one taste rule may work for the right child. According to one study, 85% of American use such strategies such as bribing to get kids to eat so I don’t think most are following the Division of Responsibility like I recommend. I think what happens is parents try to get their kids to eat, it doesn’t work so they give up and feed them “kid friendly” food. There isn’t one right answer — I do wish our culture of feeding here was more like France in that everyone seems to be on teh same page (schools, families etc.).
Denise — it sounds like your child may have sensory issues. Has he had an evaluation by a feeding therapist (usually OT or ST)? See this article for more info http://www.raisehealthyeaters.com/2010/05/picky-eating-part-1-how-to-tell-if-your-picky-eater-needs-help/
Thanks for sharing Kim. I’m sorry to hear this still affects you. I used to not like fish either but was never forced ot eat it. Once I moved to New Orleans I caught the seafood bug. Good luck!
I completely agree wit your take on this issue and with the fact that forcing food involves trust issues and power issues that can last so much longer than one bite of broccoli.
Funny enough, as a kid, my mom “required” us to eat a minimum of certain vegetables every night at dinner. Typically it was four green beans or four carrot sticks – vegetables that my sister and I tended to like anyway. But there was a minimum and we had to eat it. I remember it distinctly but I don’t have bad memories or associations with it at all. In fact, I’m a huge vegetable eater today. And I serve all kinds of vegetables to my kids, though they don’t always eat them. I struggle with whether to impose minimums, as I experienced as a kid to try and broaden my kids’ variety but as of now, haven’t gone that route.
Would love to hear your thoughts on the concept of minimums of veggies that are already approved options.
Thanks for putting this out there!
Gillian — you bring up a good point. I wish there was one right way to go about piquing interest in fruits and veggies but different things work for different children. A more stubborn child might rebel against miniumums where another one might not. The fact that you’re a vegetable lover probably has nothing to do with the minimums your mom set and more with your exposure to veggies (or something else entirely). The fact is most children will grow up eating the foods they were exposed to growing up. They may have periods where they get off track, but most will come back to this. So don’t be afraid to try different things to see what works for your children. Remember that children are more sensitive to the bitter taste in many veggies, so may take more time to accept them. We’ll be digging into this in my upcoming series on vegetables!
My parents forced all ten of us kids to eat everything she prepared (at least equal number of bites for each year old we were). We were fed a wide variety of fruits/veggies/ethic foods. We all eat all our food now. There weren’t angry standoffs, she just stayed calm and said once you have your bites you get down you can go. If kids don’t try food when they are young they are missing nutrients they need now during the critical ages of neurodevelopment. I’ve talked to lots of moms who said they wish their mom HAD made them eat veggies because they don’t have a taste for them now. I’m sure a research study based on people’s actual behaviors rather than their perceptions of their habits the results would be different. But http://www.ViviLeDish.com has a great a approach—start young, get creative rather than angry, and get kids involved works. (P.S. I didn’t see the whole research design, but this does not appear a generalizable study or findings based on the audience sample alone so I would be really careful to point that out to readers who might read more into the conclusions than warranted).
Also—check out Karen LeBillion’s book, “French Kids Eat Everything.” I lived in Europe for 3 years and she has nailed it—things don’t have to be the way they are here if we get kids eating their fruits and veggies early. It’s a great book that all Americans struggling with the inner conflict about “should I make my kids eat this” should read.
http://karenlebillon.com/books/
Thanks for your comment MamaG. You are right that this study is only one — and there are very few that follow feeding to adulthood (5 total that I have found). There is another study that found half the time, young adults didn’t eat the food they were forced to eat as kids. I don’t know anyone — and Karen Lebillon incuded — that recommends forcing a child to eat. You might ask them to taste it or have a one bite or lick rule, but the research on children shows that pressuring makes kids eat less, not more. In this study, a smaller percent report that being pushed to eat actually helped them. So again, it depends on the child and the appraoch. Obviously a stand off, crying or gagging is not a good thing. A positive approach may work fine for the right child. But regulation of food intake matters too. And if a parent makes a child take a certain amount of bites they may end up being more focused on that, over listening to internal cues. The research I’ve read shows that having healthy food available, being a good role model and having regular meals increase the chances that a child will eat a variety of healthy food and maintain a healthy weight.
One more thing MamaG. This article reviews the research on feeding styles and is written by my writing partner Jill Castle. http://justtherightbyte.com/2010/10/whats-your-feeding-style/ The research shows the most effective feeding style is an authoritative one (same one discussed in Karen Lebillon’s book) summarized below:
Authoritative, or the “Love with Limits” parenting style, promotes independent thinking and self-regulation within the child, but also sets boundaries within which the child is expected to operate. The authoritative feeder determines the details around the meal (what will be served, when it will happen, and where it will be served), but allows the child to decide if they will eat what is prepared, and how much they will eat. Trust and boundaries are the basis of this parent feeding style. Children who have authoritative parents in the home tend to be leaner, good at self-regulating their food consumption, and feel secure with food and eating. The most current research advocates this style of parenting/feeding as an effective childhood obesity prevention approach.
From everything I’ve read on your site, heard from parents, read in research, it essentially it all leads back to this: ANY technique performed by an angry parent will backfire in the end. A CALM, loving parent requiring a set number of bites will not have the same negative lasting implications on a child as who applied that very same technique using anger. In fact, they will likely have a positive association with the experience (as did I-I felt like my parents cared about my health).
I, like my parents before me and most Americans, just cannot financially afford to offer multiple choices of fruits and veggies at every meal or have the time/expertise to cater to each child’s personality. It can be very discouraging to all the advice from well meaning experts who advise people to cater to each child’s personality and/or offer multiple choices etc. because it’s just not realistic to execute financially or logistically for most people. Which is why so many turn away from trying at all — I hear this over and over again from moms.
After living abroad and seeing how powerful the impact of a shared culture is on the french eating habits — I think our grandparents approach had a lot in common with the french/germans (they were immigrants afterall!) PROVIDED we do so in a non-angry/forceful way. We need to find a way to make parents feel supported for trying – and that’s what I’m trying to do with Vivi LeDish. Create an approach moms can use to add some fun into the process and feel supported at the same time-to create a culture for moms trying to turn this generation of kids around.
A majority of parents with young children were raised on processed food-they are starting from scratch—tasting and preparing produce right along with their kids. Whatever experts can do to decrease the intimidation factor will be much appreciated!
So far Vivi LeDish is getting a great response from a growing number of moms- and we’re just going to keep trying. We are just one of many approaches that parents can take – but our approach is to designed to build healthy habits and warm memories that will last a lifetime. 5 minutes/day, 5 ingredients or less (always served with a side of giggle).
The particular study you referenced in the article just hit a chord with me because it’s ungeneralizable conclusions are so strong compared to what you are saying easy to over-interpret compared to the point I think you are trying to get across to the audience. (Which sounds reasonable to me and I completely respect and admire what you are trying to do for your audience). I wasn’t disagreeing with your point, I’m just overly sensitive to how/what research is presented and shared because there is so much potential to misinterpret. I wish research methods was a requirement for all Americans…but that’s a mission another lifetime for me. My mission to get parents and kids in the the kitchen enjoying all the amazing food the world has to offer is all consuming!
In any event, keep up the good fight! Every voice and every bit of energy will help us turn this nutrition related health crisis around!
I was raised on a mix of canned, processed, and fast food. I don’t remember fresh fruits and vegetables in our refrigerator. I do remember 2 liter bottles of cola. I give my mom a pass as she has issues with eating and she was a single mom working three jobs. If I were going to have a home cooked meal, I had better make it. It left such an impression on me, and I currently struggle with weight, that I was determined to raise my children differently. Before I had kids, I had an employee whose children always ate their fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins. I asked her how she did it, and she said she didn’t give them any other choice. They ate healthy food for all meals or they ate nothing. Like earlier posts, I agree this should be handled in a calm matter. If you don’t yell at your kids about it, it won’t be a battle. There is one more thing I’ve always done that seems to work for my kids. I explain why. I actually tell them the health benefits and I’ve also explained the negatives to eating junk food. My 5 and 7 year old girls can tell you about antioxidents, vitamins, protein, benefits of colorful food, organics, etc. They are involved in the cooking/baking/making of our food, too, which always helps. Another VERY important thing in my house… balance. They aren’t restricted to always eat just the good stuff. If they’ve been doing a good job on food, we will share special treats as a family. You need a cookie now and then too, right?
I am not sure if this would work for all kids….and I don’t pretend that it’s easy, but I thought I’d share my thoughts since it’s such a passion of mine.
Maryann – Great article on such an important topic. Too often I hear of parents using food as rewards, bribes and threats which is the beginning of a very unhealthy relationship with food and rarely does any good.
We don’t keep a lot of treats around the house (more so to keep them out of my hands!) but my kids certainly get their fare share. They have a very healthy diet so I don’t mind letting them have treats.
So, are you proposing that kids should get dessert and all the carbs they want at dinner without eating the healthier options? Many kids choose that because parents don’t guide them in the right direction, then those kids become obese. Shocker. Guidance includes consequences (e.g., don’t eat your veggies, don’t get seconds on mashed potatoes or any dessert). Why should we withhold those consequences? It seems natural to me.
Thanks for your comment Karen. I am not proposing that at all. In fact, I don’t recommend providing dessert every night. If a child is really hungry for dinner, and there is something that they like, they will eat it. I see no reason to make a child eat more than they are hungry for, in order to get dessert. Research shows that kids learn to prefer the dessert over the healthy items when this happens. The research shows that was is most important for children and eating habits is exposure to health foods and role modeling.
Do you have any research showing that kids get obese when parents don’t guide them the way you say? The research I have read show that an authoritative feeding style, one that provides limits with food but allows reasonable choice for kids, is associated with healthier body weights and diets in kids. More controlling or permissive feeding styles are associated with higher weights and poorer diets. This is food for thought as feeding styles need to change with the environment — one that provides food at every turn and huge portions of food. Teaching kids to listen to their internal cues of hunger and satiety is more important than ever before.
My son in law Insists on holding his son in a vicegrip while holding his
mouth open to force. It down. The child eeats extremely meals so why treat him lime a dog and forcing the food despite tears. I will say ht is a
good size totter who eats plenty. Is this necessary by 6’5 daddy showing who is stronger or is this correct behavior. My children are in their mid20-30′s and eat just fi
As a child I wasn’t allowed options, I had to eat what was given to me. There were many foods I wasn’t crazy about and I still ate them. It was a way of life and it was simple. today I eat everything and i will try anything. And I don’t view my childhood eating experiences as negative. I am grateful because one I am healthy and two I appreciate healthy eating. Yes, there are vegetables I don’t like, yet I can eat salads all day and everyday. Now I have a three year old son who didn’t want to eat as an infant and I listened to people and his Pedi, who all said don’t worry he will eat. Well he never wants to eat. What about people who don’t have the money or people who live in poor counties? They don’t have the money or resources to go with what the child wants. The child either eats or starves. I met a mother who son didn’t want to eat as an infant, he would fight her. She said she didn’t give in to his tantrums, she was calm and pushed back. then he pushed back, and she pushed back. Now he is in his teens and eats everything. I think the problem is that we have listened to the research about what the child wants to eat, wear, and when it wants to go to sleep instead of listening to parents who have actual experience. We parents are at the mercy of our children. This is the problem, we have allowed society to tell parents how to do their job. How on earth did we do this before the “experts” came into the picture? The other problem is that grandparents or other other elders are not able to share what works and doesn’t work with new parents. Now we have a nightmare on our hands. We have children who are not disciplined, children who don’t eat healthy, children who are not healthy and children who either drop out of high-school or finish and can’t read, write or do math.
Thanks for you comment Sequoia. If you read more of my site, you will see that I don’t recommend a permissive feeding style as you suggest which means kids get to choose what is for mealtime and when. Instead, I recommend an authoritative feeding style where parents do their job of decide what, when and where children eat but children decide what and how much to eat of what is offered. Research shows that children do best with this approach in terms of nutrition and weight over more controlling or permissive feeding styles. This does not mean a child who grows up having to eat food will turn out bad food wise, but it is more likely they will do well with a more supportive, warm and structured environment.
If you son didn’t eat as an infant (not sure what that means exactly), the key is to find out why. Most children will eat anything from 6 months to 2 years when growth is high and the mind hasn’t developed to the point of rejecting food (unless there’s a problem of course). Around 2 when growth slows way down and the mind grows children are more skeptical of food. This is actually an evolutionary trait helped keeping children from being poisoned. It’s normal for children to become picker but it is not normal for children to eat only a few foods and have major tantrums around eating. That may indicate there is another issue like a food allergy (affecting the GI tract so it’s difficult to tell), sensory issues or oral/motor problems.
Back in the early 1900′s when children were fed in a very prescriptive manner infantile anorexia was quite high — meaning many parents were experiencing children not eating and growing well. Research shows that one potential consequence of forcing a child to eat can result in early fullness and under-regulation of food (overfeeding can also result). A famous study in the 1930s showed that children thrive when they get to decide what and how much to eat between the wholesome food offered. This changed the medical community’s take on feeding young children.
What I do on this site is not tell parents what to do, but help them make the best decisions for them based on the best research available. Thanks for stopping by and good luck with your son.
Here red flags he may need some help
http://www.sosapproach-conferences.com/articles/red-flags
i was force feed red meat which i gagged on every time(except hamburger) i can’t eat the red meat today because every time i think about it i remember the gagging (gross)
Thank you for writing this. The funny bit is, I was never forced to eat as a child. However, as my parents have a bad relationship with food (fried, sugary, salty snacks abound in our house), I developed comfort eating as a habit too. Yet, as i began to understand my own body, I began choosing to eat only to feel satiated and as an energy source for my body. However, recently I began feel very irritable about eating over at a friend’s place where her mother forces me to eat. Since visiting their home is frequent, I cannot even avoid this. yearsI am 26, not 2 years old. And what scares me is how the mother sulks, whines or tells me her children do not eat, but at least i should be eating. While the mother herself eats light, diets and works out, I am forced to eat a lot because I am overweight and probably she assumes that I am feeling hesitant to eat more. I enjoy the food at their home and I keep telling her that. I also have been politely telling her for over 6 months, that I will try a bit of everything offered and help myself to what I want. But I do not like being forced into eating beyond what my capacity to eat is. She quietens down for a while, but eventually gets bossy again when she notices my plate is empty. Her husband and children have given up asking her to leave me alone. I am wondering if this is an Indian thing only, forcing people to eat, or is something the matter with my friend’s mother. Or if I am being bullied. I honestly am reaching the limits of my tolerance and am going to retaliate with unhealthy anger very soon. What can I tell the mother to back off politely?
Sharada,
I’m not sure I have the answer. But I do know in some cultures, like my own Serbian one, not eating heaps of food is taken as you don’t like the food. I think all you can do is tell her that while you love her food, you are listening to your body and don’t like eating past full. Make sure she knows it has nothing to do with her cooking etc. Good luck!
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