I was in the downward dog position when I realized what was happening. I was actually enjoying yoga. Then it occurred to me that this was the third time that week I was following along the DVD tape. Not only was it pleasant, but I was fitting it into it into my everyday life without much of a fuss.

After 5 years of starting, stopping and starting again, I was thrilled to have made the “mental shift” that makes lasting behavior change possible.

As this year comes to a close, you probably are looking to add some healthy behaviors to your life. But how do you get to that place where you know the behavior is locked in for good? You first have to change how you change.

1. Start tiny: Five years ago after finally deciding to try yoga, my husband and I signed up for 2-weeks of unlimited classes at Yoga Works in Los Angeles. The only time we both could go was 6:30am — and all of the classes were an hour and a half. Needless to say, this intense program turned me off to yoga for some time (and they were beginner classes!).

But I clearly wasn’t ready to go from doing nothing to daily, hour and a half yoga classes. Now I understand that starting small, and building on from there, lets the desirable behavior evolve into something that works for my life. It wasn’t until I tried yoga at home for 15 minutes a day, that the habit started to take root.

2. Keep trying until you get it right: “Self efficacy,” the strong belief people have in their ability to obtain a goal, is a term often used by health professionals. Because people trying to adopt a new behavior don’t have much confidence in their ability (yet) they tend to lack self efficacy. So when they hit a roadblock, they easily give up saying, “I’m just not good at this.”

Knowing this can help you a great deal. Instead of giving up, do what someone with self efficacy would do: change strategies. And keep trying and adjusting until you see some progress. And then tweak it some more. This process of trial and error — and getting better at the desired behavior — will do wonders for your self efficacy.

3. Check your outlook: One of the reasons yoga has been difficult for me is because I was always telling myself I “should” do it. I’ve never been flexible but understood the important health benefits of flexibility. I also knew that yoga would help calm my over-active mind. Everywhere I turned someone new was telling me “you should do yoga.”

But the “shoulds” rarely motivate anyone to do anything. It wasn’t until I found my own reasons for doing yoga that I actively looked for ways to include it in my routine. You can get to this place early in the process by asking yourself what you want get out of the new behavior. As you work on making the behavior a habit, focus on how it improves the quality of your life.

4. Watch out for unrealistic expectations: In the late nineties researchers asked a group of obese women averaging 217 pounds their goal weights – separating them into categories such as “dream weight” and “disappointed weight.” Most women’s goal weight was a 69- pound loss, getting down to 148 pounds. After 48 weeks of treatment, almost 50 percent didn’t even reach their “disappointed weight” and lost 35 pounds (getting down to 182 pounds).

Psychologists call unrealistic expectations for change “false hope syndrome”– and it’s a key reason people throw in the towel. But here’s the kicker: no one knows for sure where their new endeavors will take them. By stating it all up front, you kill the chance of finding your own way. The way that allows for the crucial “mental shift” that locks in the new habit for good.

If any of your new goals include making healthy changes for you and your family, I hope you’ll stay tuned in to Raise Healthy Eaters in the New Year. I’ve got a lot coming in 2010 that I’ll let you know about soon.

What are some healthy changes you’d like to make in the New Year?

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References
Foster GD, Wadden TA, Vogt RA, Brewer G. What is a reasonable weight loss? Patients’ expectations and evaluations of obesity treatment outcomes. J Consult Clin Psychol. 1997;65:79-85.

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Thanksgiving is over and the holidays have officially begun.  It’s frenzy time.  And tradition tells us that this is a time when people throw caution to the wind in anticipation of New Years’ resolutions.

When you think about it, it’s really not that long until the holidays are over.  I got out the calendar and counted 35 days in total.  How much harm can someone do in 35 days?

With this in mind, I’m kicking off the season with my top 5 ways to avoid holiday weight gain:

1. Don’t buy into it.  I think the number the holidays do on weight gain is exaggerated.  A few years ago I was pitching a story to a magazine and actually looked up that 7-pound-weight-gain-during-the-holidays rumor.  I was surprised to find the average weight gain from Thanksgiving to New Year’s to be just under a pound. 
 
All this talk about over-indulging, and starting the New Year virtuous, makes overeating as contagious as the flu.  In fact, a 2002 study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that people who anticipated going on a diet ate more than those who didn’t. 

So don’t buy into it.  Enjoy the traditional food that’s around during the holidays but break the tradition of overeating.

2. Don’t graze, eat meals.  Brian Wansink, author of Mindless Eating, conducts super-interesting research on why people eat more than they think they do.  His research finds that the average person has already eaten 90% of their daily calorie needs before sitting down to their holiday meal.

How is this possible? It’s all the grazing that’s done before the meal.  A little bit of this.  A lot of that.  More picking.  A little more picking. 

So instead of grazing, get a small plate and pick your favorite appetizers, sit down and enjoy every bite.  Remind yourself that you need just enough to hold you over (but not to spoil your appetite) until the main meal is served.

3. Be active. There really is no better time to be active than during the holidays.  The weather is nice (well, most places) and the gyms are free of crowds.  Before kids, I always signed up for a walk/run in late December/early January.  I plan to do it this year and ask some friends to join me.  This way, I can run ahead of time, use exercise as a stress reliever, and spend some much-needed time with friends.

Use exercise to feel good all season long.  Michelle Segar says it perfectly in this article on More.com. 

4. Practice a new way of eating.  I talk a lot on this site about eating intuitively – getting in touch with hunger cues and stopping when comfortably full.  We can learn a lot from our children when it comes to eating just the right the amount of food our bodies need.  And there’s no better time to practice an intuitive eating style than the holidays because most people aren’t dieting or trying to be “good.” 

So experiment with eating your favorite indulgent type foods, enjoy them without judgment and stop when you’re satisfied.  The key is reminding yourself that you can have more later in the day, tomorrow or the following day.  The same way people tend to eat more in anticipation of a diet, they actually eat less when they know they can have more if they want to.

In the book I’m always recommended to moms, Intuitive Eating, the authors say that their clients naturally fall into a diet that’s 90% nutritious and 10% fun foods.  Maybe it’s because they no longer need an excuse (holidays, sick, vacation, stress etc) to over eat foods they enjoy.

For mindblowing research on how dieting affects weight, see Evelyn Tribole’s 411 website.

5. Cut back.  The stress of the holidays makes matter worse.  Families aren’t eating together, food is grabbed in a hurry and many parents stay up late doing more stuff.  Ask yourself if you really need to do everything this year.  Maybe it’s time to cut back, be choosy about how you spend your time and focus more on enjoying the season. 

Any thoughts?  Got additional tips about getting through the season?

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References

Urbszat D, Herman CP, Polivy J. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet: effects of anticipated deprivation on food intake in restrained and unrestrained eaters. J Abnormal Psychol. 2002 May; 111(2): 396-401.

Roberts SB, Mayer J. Holiday weight gain: fact or fiction? Nutr Rev. 2000 Dec’58(12):378-9.

As a mom, you don’t have to pay a lot of money for weight management advice. In fact, the best diet coaches just happen to be the same little ones running around your house.

Here are 3 things your kids can teach you about managing your weight:

1. Eat what you need: Young children are masters at regulating their food intake by getting exactly what they need. If kids graze on snacks all afternoon, for example, you can bet that they will barely touch their dinner.

Most adults have completely lost touch with their hunger and satiety cues. If this is you, make a point to tune in to how you feel at mealtime. Ask yourself if food is really what you need when you eat out of stress or boredom. Instead, eat when you are hungry and stop when satisfied. If you keep practicing, you’ll get better and better at it.

2. Enjoy life to the fullest: Young children need to be reminded to eat because they are so enthralled with life. Unfortunately, moms have so many responsibilities that they often forget what makes them feel alive. And when this happens, food can take on greater importance.

So make time for a hobby you love, call a friend to go out or reconnect with your spouse. Get back in touch with what you love about life and watch your desire to eat diminish.

3. Make physical activity fun: If you ever watch toddlers run and giggle you know how much enjoyment little ones get from being active. In fact, they hate to sit around when they could be moving. And they’re not picky about the “where” and “how” of physical activity.

Moms, on the other hand, feel like exercise is just another thing they have to get done. Instead of thinking of exercise in this way, look for pleasurable ways to be active. For example, turn on music at home and dance with your kids, chase them at the park and take time to walk and enjoy the view. See this article for more ideas.

The same things that can irritate you about your kids — picking at their meals, reminding them to eat and being active night and day — are the same things that can help you maintain a healthy weight. Not only can you learn from your kids, but you can remind yourself that you were like this when you were a child. And it might just be time to get some of the old you back.

Subscribe to Raise Healthy Eaters for more mom-centered health tips.

Tuesday morning I went to the DMV to renew an expired license. While inching my way through the hour-long line it dawned on me that I might have to take a new license picture. The panic set in because I didn’t have a stitch of makeup on. When I made it to the front I was informed of the bad news.

I immediately made a b-line to the bathroom to apply some lipstick and mess with my hair. After my number was called (yes, more waiting) I was second in line to another woman. After her picture was taken the DMV employee looked at the screen and said, “Do you EVER take a bad picture?” When she took my picture she made a point to tell me to smile. After glancing at it she said, “Everyone looks better with a smile.”

I was mad at myself. Not because I’ll have to hide my license from everyone I know but because I’m still doing this stuff – putting off important tasks and basically being disorganized. It got me thinking about something I always come back to: Do I want my kids to follow in my footsteps? When they are adults will they be at the DMV renewing an expired license? Or worse?

What’s your weakness?
Last week I wrote about guilt-free ways to become a more positive food role model. If you struggle with eating well, managing your weight or preparing food you may feel the same way I felt after leaving the DMV. You don’t want your kids to acquire the same struggles but how do you change?

I feel like we spend so much of our lives tripping over our weaknesses, that we delay getting to the juicy part of living. It seems every time I’m almost there something holds me back, like wasting time at the DMV, losing my keys or searching the house for that important document.

Oprah talks about this all the time. It’s about stepping outside of yourself, thinking about what you really want and breaking the cycle.

A different outlook
When I stop beating myself up for a moment I realize that I’ve already made some changes. I sort of have a file system at home and do know where some things are. And compared to 10 years ago, I’m much better (I have a good story about my car getting impounded).

I know that guilting myself into making a temporary change won’t work so I remind myself to change my outlook instead. I acknowledge how more smoothly my daily life is when I’m organized and take the time to do time-consuming tasks. And I believe my family benefits as well.

So instead of “shoulding” yourself to change consider looking at the problem from a different angle. What are the benefits of changing? If you’ve been a chronic dieter how will you feel to finally be free of the constraints? If you don’t know how to cook think how gratifying it will be to prepare and enjoy meals for your family.

Whatever it is you’ve been struggling with find some reasons you want to conquer it – and decide those reasons for yourself and not because it’s something your doctor, spouse or even I want you to do.

How to change
Of course part of the problem with change is wanting for it to happen overnight. The old me would’ve run home from the DMV, gone through the mail, bought fancy organizing equipment and vowed never to do something like this again. But then 2 weeks later the mail would be piled up and I’d be back at square one.

I recently attended a class that reminded me of the most effective way to change. It’s called “continuous improvement” and it’s not about making a dramatic change. Instead, it’s about doing small, everyday things that eventually lead to big results. But the key is to make the changes consistently, not chaotically. The secret is to always be on the lookout for the little things you can do to get to your goal.

So, I’m looking for pockets of time at home to put away stuff and go through the mail. I even bought a (cheap) organizer to write important dates down. And every time I look at my license I’ll be reminded of the consequences of living a disorganized life.

This site will help you make small changes in the area of food, weight management and nutrition. If there’s something you need from me, or would like to see, let me know. From my experience, conquering lifelong problems is extremely liberating. And knowing your kids have escaped from the same struggle is the best reward.

Subscribe to Raise Healthy Eaters to get more articles on how to take better care of yourself.

Most parents know that when it comes to healthy eating habits, they act as role models for their children. But the messages targeted to parents are usually doused in guilt – “you had better eat healthy – your kids are watching you!”

The last thing any parent needs is more guilt. And furthermore, guilt does a poor job of motivating, inspiring and changing behavior for the long term. As a matter of fact, it’s pretty useless.

So drop the guilt and consider a different way of looking at – and becoming – a more positive role model for your kids.

Take a walk down memory lane: I’m always surprised when my overweight clients don’t understand the real reasons they overeat. After some digging, I usually find their childhood to be a contributing factor. After all, most food learning occurs the first 5 years of life.

So think about how your relationship with food came about. How and what did your parents feed you? Were they controlling or permissive or something in between? Did they make you clean your plate? Did they make eating vegetables seem like punishment and eating sweets the best reward? Did they overly restrict sweets or fatty foods? And if you were overweight, did they try to encourage to diet and eat less?

These questions are important because the answers give you insight into what has shaped your relationship with food. Even though you’re leading your children down a different path, if you continue to struggle with food or weight, they will catch on.

The best way to conquer your issues is to understand where they came from, let go of them and begin a new way of looking at food.

2. See food through the eyes of a child: While changing your outlook you’ll want to take lessons from young children. Babies are born a clean slate – they don’t have food baggage. They eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. They don’t see food as good or bad unless they are told or shown it is good or bad. If they snack before dinner they won’t eat dinner (what adult does that?). They are masters at regulating food without counting calories or reminding themselves what they “should” eat.

So don’t diet or “should” yourself into eating healthy. Instead, dust off those hunger and satiety signals that you were born with and start listening to them again. Ask yourself if you’re really hungry before eating and when you do eat stop when your body tells you you’re satisfied and comfortably full.

3. Make feeding yourself a priority: When my daughter started solids I put all my energy into what she ate. Then one day, while picking at her tasty spinach and mushroom omelet, I realized what was going on. I was making feeding her a priority over feeding myself (and my husband – I always seem to forget about him). Before she was born, I’d buy the minimum amount of groceries, rotate the same 4 meals and rarely experimented with new foods.

I knew that a new, fierce love was behind my motivation to provide my daughter with tasty and nutritious food. So I used that love as a catalyst to take better care of myself.

So use love, not guilt, as motivation to take care of you. If you feed yourself well, taking the time to prepare plenty of fruits, vegetables and whole grains, then your child will grow up to be someone who makes feeding herself a priority.

4. Don’t try to be perfect: A friend was just telling me how her parents kept sweets and candy out of the house. She said that she and her siblings would take their weekly allowance and go buy sweets and candy. Her parents provided plenty of healthy food but forgot how to teach their kids how to eat the not-so-healthy foods.

Eating is not just about nutrition it’s also about enjoyment. Some foods provide pleasure without much nutrition. So show your children that you can enjoy items like ice cream, sweets and fried foods without guilt trips or overeating. And if you can’t do that quite yet, take some time to work on why you can’t. One of the books I recommend to help you come to peace with food is Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works

This takes away the pressure of eating perfectly for your children. They need a role model for how to eat all types of foods so when they are on their own someday they can eat with confidence.

The gift of health

Instead of scrutinizing yourself for missing the mark, remember that you’ve been given a gift. Your children are here to teach you how to be better – and that includes eating well and being active. By working to prevent them from creating bad habits, you end up saving yourself in the process.

Subscribe to Raise Healthy Eaters to get more tips on how to be a better role model for your kids.