“I know what to do, I just don’t do it.”

As a dietitian of almost 15 years, this is what I’ve heard most often from clients. Many people feel guilty for not following the healthy eating advice that is virtually everywhere.

What most people don’t realize is that “what” they eat is the wrong place to start. It’s more important, in my opinion, to focus on “how” to eat first.

For those new to Raise Healthy Eaters, this is our parent tip series. The idea is to help parents become more positive role models for their kids — one of the three essentials for raising healthy eaters. For more details see Parent Tip #1.

How you eat is vital in helping you develop a healthy relationship with food, eat well and maintain a healthy weight. But as a parent you have the added advantage of having kids to learn from. Let me show you what I mean.

Do Parents or Kids Know Best?
In our society it is generally accepted that parents know what’s best when it comes to nutrition and eating. I believe this is only half right. Parents are better equipped than children to make value judgments for food choice meaning we consider nutrition, taste and variety.

But what young children do very well is eat the right amount of food that they need. Research shows that infants and toddlers are particularly good at regulating food intake. But as kids get older they tend to lose this skill. No one knows exactly why but it probably has to do with feeding practices, the environment and a whole slew of other factors that teach children to eat for external reasons (eat in the absence of hunger, finish what’s on the plate, visual cues etc.).

In a 2007 study published in Appetite, 85% of 142 families interviewed said they try to get their child to eat more at mealtime by using reasoning, praise and food rewards. The authors argue that parents may be teaching their kids to eat past their internal hunger and satiety cues.

A Case Study
I had the pleasure of talking to Katja Rowell, a physician whose mission is to help families bring peace and joy to the family table (see Family Feeding Dynamics). When her daughter was born almost ten-pounds, she was worried and wasn’t quite sure how best to prevent weight problems.

“I struggled with how best to feed her,” she says. “But once I understood the feeding process and got the right information it helped me relax and feed her from love, not worry. I learned what I had to do to support her internal skills. She knew how much she needed to eat so that she could grow in a healthy way.”

Rowell trained with Ellyn Satter and applied the Division of Responsibility of feeding. But she didn’t stop there. She took what she learned about feeding her daughter and applied it to herself.

Even though she wasn’t overweight, like a lot of adults she struggled with her favorite “forbidden” foods that she found hard to eat in a healthy way. She explains how, pre-kids, a bag of Tostitos wouldn’t last in her house for more than two days. She denied herself sodas as “empty” foods, only to crave them and drink more when she had the chance. Her vices: coke and salty foods.

But that changed when she saw her daughter intuitively eating and stopping when she was full – even with favorite foods.

“I’d watch her turn down food when she was full and leave cake unfinished,” she says. “I thought to myself, if she can do it why can’t I?”

So Rowell stopped denying herself salty foods and soda and allowed them back in her diet in a non-judgmental way. At first she often ate chips for lunch and drank a soda most days. It wasn’t long before she found that they could sit in her fridge or cupboards for weeks. She paid more attention to hunger and satiety cues, continued to eat regular meals and found herself more at peace with food.

“I’m a more comfortable and competent eater now,” she says, “and my daughter was the inspiration.”

What to do?
As Rowell demonstrates, learning how to focus inward may be as easy as using your kids for inspiration. Here are some tips and things to think about:

-Instead of zeroing in on what and how much your kid is eating, give your meal your full attention. Are you eating slow enough to enjoy every bite? Do you stop when you’re full or go past that signal?

-When your child goes too long without eating he or she might throw a tantrum. Recognize your own adult-like tantrums. Do you forget to feed yourself only to have hunger come back with a vengeance at night time?

-Notice how your kids enjoy foods like sweets without guilt and do the same. If you crave a non-nutritious food, have it without judgment but sit down and be present for each wonderful bite.

-Watch out for food associations that cause you to eat in the absence of hunger such as eating while watching TV, when bored or for comfort.

Has having kids changed the way you eat? Do you focus on your internal or external cues to tell you when you’re done eating? I’d love to hear from you.

References
Orrell-Valente et al. “Just three more bites”: an observational analysis of parents’ socialization of children’s eating at mealtime. Appetite. 2007;48 (1):37-45

On this blog I cover the three essential factors for raising healthy and happy eaters: providing children with good nutrition (the “what”), utilizing a positive feeding strategy (the “how”) and being a healthy role model (the example).

But no matter how much we know, intellectually, that we are role models for our kids, it’s still very tempting to put taking care of ourselves on the back burner.

I’ve said it before but children are the best motivator. A parent’s love is so strong it can move mountains — and create change where it never seemed possible. So in order to help us all be better role models (yes, me too) each month I’m going to post a time-saving health tip for parents.

The first one has to do with that precious resource many of us are lacking: a decent night’s sleep.

The reality
“Once you have kids your sleep is never the same,” a friend told me and my husband before we had children. And now I get it. It’s like as a parent you are always chasing sleep.

It’s amazing how easy it is for parents to become lured into the sleep-deprived cycle. After children get to bed, it’s finally “parent time” whether it’s watching a favorite show, doing work or even household chores. Unless you’re dealing with a newborn or sick child, you know you won’t be interrupted.

But what happens when that tired feeling takes over early in the evening? If you wait long enough your second wind comes thanks to adrenaline — allowing more of “parent time.” And if you go to be late for long enough you seem to need less sleep or might even have trouble falling– or staying — asleep. According to the National Sleep Foundation, more than half of adults experience insomnia a few nights a week.

It seems the less sleep you get the less you need. But is this a good thing? Research shows that insufficient sleep increases the risk for chronic diseases, causes individuals to be less productive and poses safety risks.

Sleep and weight loss
There is quite a bit of research showing that insufficient sleep increases appetite and is linked to higher weights. Scientists believe that a lack of shut eye causes the secretion of more hunger-inducing hormones, making people eat more than they would otherwise.

According to the a recent study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology, mothers who got less than 5 hours sleep 6 months postpartum weighed more (ten pounds plus) at one year than the moms who got more sleep.

This is why I’m addressing sleep first. If you are not getting enough shut-eye, exercising and eating are going to be compromised as well.

What to do?
I could make this tip “get more sleep” and end it there. I know from experience that just telling people to do something rarely does the trick. It’s much better for people to focus on “why” they want to do something.

So I say pick one week and go to bed earlier than usual. Tell yourself you can always go back to the old way afterwards. So instead of fighting that early night tiredness simply give in and get some rest (unless you’re tired at 5pm, that’s a little too early). Note how more sleep makes you feel all day long. Do you get more or less stuff done? How does it affect your disposition? Does it make your life better, worse or the same?

If you decide that getting more sleep is worth it, devise some strategies. For example, two nights a week I stay up later to get a post up, but I make sure the next day isn’t a work day. The other nights I make an effort to get quality “me time” in until 9pm and start closing up shop then. On weekends I live dangerously and go to bed closer to 10pm unless we go out.

As you make the change, old thoughts will come back telling you staying up later is your reward for parenting. But you can challenge those thoughts by reminding yourself how much more rewarding life is with more sleep.

How much sleep is enough? According to the National Sleep Foundation, somewhere between 7 and 9 hours should do the trick but everyone is different. If you wake up feeling rested and good during the day, you probably are getting enough. But it might take you a while to pay off your sleep debt from before so you might feel tired initially.

Now I know there are some of you that are getting plenty of good, solid sleep. What are you doing? Did you always get good sleep? Leave a comment and let us know.

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References:
Patel SR. Reduced sleep as an obesity risk factor. Obes Rev. 2009 Nov;10 Suppl 2:61-8.

Gunderson EP, Rifas-Shiman SL, Oken E, Rich-Edwards JW, Kleinman KP, Taveras EM, Gillman MW. Association of fewer hours of sleep at 6 months postpartum with substantial weight retention at 1 year postpartum. Am J Epidemiol. 2008 Jan 15;167(2):178-87.