I wrote a post for WebMD about nutrition myths and it got me thinking about feeding myths that plague families. I often say that if I didn’t know what I know, I would make many feeding mistakes (and I know my husband would). And it wouldn’t be because I’m a bad person, it would simply be based on myths about food and feeding that are pervasive in our culture.

So here are 8 feeding myths that hold parents back from feeding well and nourishing their children. For more specific nutrition myths see this post.

1. You have to be a good cook to feed your children well: I understand all too well what it’s like to enter parenthood with few cooking skills, scared to death that my preference for simple cooking would negatively reflect on my children. I asked my writing partner, Jill Castle, for some feedback and she mentioned this one, along with a couple of others listed.

“Moms think if they don’t know how to cook or have a limited repertoire of menu items that they are the reason their child doesn’t eat well or healthfully,” she says. “The truth is most kids like uncomplicated straightforward meals with minimal fuss–and they like to put them together themselves (and eat better when they do). ”

Hooray for simple cooks!

2. Eating is a two-step process: Dr. Kay Toomey, pediatric psychologist and Director of SOS Feeding Solutions, says eating for children is not a two step process (sit down/put in mouth) the way many parents believe. Learning to eat is actually quite complex with a steep learning curve. Pickier children, who tend to be more sensitive to food textures, may need as many as 32 steps (see below for examples) to happen before they are ready to put a food in their mouth!

Go here for more of Toomey’s myths.

3. Children shouldn’t play with their food or get messy: “The biggest myth I see that gets in the way of learning about food, is that we need to clean kids as we feed them: gigantic bibs, swiping their chin with the spoon, wiping away every bit of mess,” says Melanie Potock, feeding specialist and creator of My Munch Bug.

Like Toomey, Potock says kids need to experience food using their entire sensory system often before taking their first bite. This is how they learn about taste, temperature and texture of food. See more about the importance of playing with food in this helpful article.

4. Parents are to blame for picky eating: There is a tendency to blame parents for kids’ being selective with food. But according to a 2007 review article by Lucy Cooke, it’s a 50/50 proposition. That means about 50 percent of kids’ eating is genetic and the other 50 percent is their environment (the foods that become familiar to them), over which parents have the most control.

In fact, food neophobia (reluctance to try new foods) is not only a normal part of development (peaking from 2 to 6), it is highly genetically linked. So instead of trying to change your eater, which is a battle no one should engage in, take control of the home environment and let your child learn to like a variety at their own pace with positive encouragement and support.

5. Children naturally dislike healthy food: There is a common belief that children are born not liking healthy food. While children do prefer sweeter tastes and reject bitter ones, which is why they tend to be carb queens/kings and take a while to warm up to veggies, this is only part of the story.

The truth is most kids learn that eating healthy is not fun based on how they are fed. According to a 2007 study published in International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, after age 6 kids had a negative taste impression of healthy foods. Many of the children discussed the creative ways they were able to eat disliked vegetables that parents insisted they eat, such as squeezing their nose, eating the non-tasty food first or adding ketchup to the vegetables.

6. Children always have to eat at meals: Many parents believe that kids need to eat at every meal. This often leads to the mistake of only providing food that kids readily accept, increasing the shelf-life of picky eating.

It’s very normal for kids to eat very little (or not at all) at some meals and gorge at others. In fact, laboratory studies on young kids’ eating shows that even though calorie intake varies greatly from meal to meal, it’s surprisingly consistent from day to day.

7. Lean kids are healthy kids: In her private practice Castle often hears parents say, “well my child doesn’t have a weight problem” as justification for eating whatever they want, and that usually translates to too much empty-calorie food.

Despite the obesity statistics , most kids will not battle their weight. But eating well is not just about weight as smaller kids can have bad health and bigger kids can have good health. What’s really at stake is a child’s current and future relationship with food. Don’t we want all kids, regardless of weight, to enjoy good health and feed themselves well?

8. If you get food and nutrition right, you automatically raise a healthy child: While I’m reading a zillion research studies for Fearless Feeding, one review on responsive feeding said it best: “Nutritional recommendations that focus exclusively on food and ignore the feeding context may be ineffective, inadvertently encouraging parents to use nonresponsive, controlling behaviors, with little consideration to children’s contribution to feeding interactions.”

It takes much more than getting kids to eat healthy to raise healthy eaters. While What kids eat matters, so does understanding their developmental process and how best to instill eating confidence and a love of nutritious food. Join us on Our Fearless Feeding Facebook Community to discuss important issues.

Do any of these myths surprise you? Are there any you want to add?

References:

Black et al. Responsive feeding is embedded in a theoretical framework of responsive paring. The Journal of Nutr. 2011;141(3):490-494.

Cooke L. The importance of food exposure for healthy eating in children: review. J Hum Nutr Diet ;2007: 20;294–301

Zeinstra et al. Cognitive development and children’s perceptions of fruit and vegetables; a qualitative study. International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity. 2007;, 4:30

We were out at our favorite Mexican restaurant when the conversation at the next table caught my ear. A young boy, probably about 4, had only eaten half of his rolled taco and declared he was full.

“You have half of it left, look at all that meat inside,” the mom said. “Finish it!”

The boy went on to finish the rolled taco and the dad chimed in with “I’m proud of you, son.”

What these parents didn’t realize was that they are teaching their son that his fullness doesn’t matter — and that eating more is better.

Do parents really want kids to eat like adults?
I understand why these parents did what they did. I’m sure the boy, like a lot of 4 year olds, doesn’t eat many protein foods so the mom feels better even when he eats items like rolled tacos. He probably has days he barely eats and days he eats a lot — they want his eating to be more “normal.”

The problem with normal eating, at least in this country, is that most people have difficulty navigating the current food environment without over-eating.

Yet most kids do well naturally. Research show that kids under 5 regulate their intake very well. Food intake may vary greatly from meal to meal, but young children are masters at getting the right amount of food for their bodies.

That is, if parents served balanced meals and allow children to be in charge of how much they eat.

Why it’s so hard to raise an intuitive eater
I’m the first to admit that raising an intuitive eater is hard. Society tends to accept the story above — it’s pretty commonplace for parents to get kids to eat more, or less if it’s unhealthy fare. According to a 2007 study published in Appetite, 85% of parents they try to get their child to eat more at mealtime by using reasoning, praise and food rewards.

The biggest challenge, I believe, is the psychological one. As parents we want so badly to nourish our kids that we often get lost in that desire. We fail to see the big picture and the negative consequences that our actions can have over the long-term.

I work hard to make sure my 4-year old (Big A) has an appetite for meals at home. But when we go other places, like out to dinner with friends or parties, she often snacks on what I call “appetite killers.”

When this happens — and it’s finally time to sit down to dinner she usually takes a few bites (or none at all) and is done. People often give me the look that says, “You’re going to let her get away with that?!”

But if I make her eat more of the meal, what am I teaching her? It’s better to over-eat? I do talk to her, ahead of time, about saving her appetite for the meal. And when she says she’s done I make sure to ask her if she’s full.

The bottom line: I make a point to honor her hunger and fullness, even the times I’m disappointed she didn’t eat better, because I want her to grow into an adult who does the same.

Use your kids’ eating behavior as a mirror
We are role models for our kids…they are watching us. Big A will usually come up to me and ask, “Why did you stop eating ice cream.” or “why aren’t you eating.” And I tell her it’s because I’m satisfied or preserving my hunger for the meal.

How often do you fill up on food when out, only to go and finish your meal anyway? Maybe these little kids are on to something.

While kid’s eating-behavior can drive us crazy, the emotion it stirs in us can be used as a mirror to what’s really going on. Maybe we are too controlling with our own diet or eat past fullness and ignore our body’s signals?

Either way, we need to remember that we live in a crazy food environment where single food (restaurant) portions are big enough to feed a family of 4 — and appetite killers are everywhere.

We need, more than ever, to preserve kids’ natural ability to regulate food — and to adopt this approach ourselves. We’ll be much better equipped for eating well in the modern world. And if enough people do it, maybe portions (and appetite killers) will shrink too. I can dream, can’t I?

So tell me, how do you handle your child’s ever changing appetite? Any challenges?

References
Orrell-Valente et al. “Just three more bites”: an observational analysis of parents’ socialization of children’s eating at mealtime. Appetite. 2007;48 (1):37-45

You’ve all seen the articles where the writer brags about their young child eating spicy foods, clams, mussels and every vegetable known to man.  The parent gloats and takes full credit for the good eater they’ve created.  And because this makes them an expert, they offer up advice which is usually something like “Don’t change a thing, just give your kid EVERYTHING you eat!”

Those parents with less-than-adventurous eaters may feel a pang of guilt for not offering their child clams or super-spicy foods.

But something vital is missing from these all-too-familiar messages about feeding: all kids are different.  While parents have a strong influence over their child’s eating over time, each child comes into the world with their own eating personality.  And figuring out what that is, and working around it, can help parents and children immensely.

In part one of our Picky Eating series, we helped you rule out whether or not your kid’s picky eating habits are normal.  Now we are going to classify normal eating behavior to help you better understand your child. One quick note: if your child is under two their true eating personality may not be revealed yet.

Eating Style Types

In Ellyn’s Satter’s book, Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense, she discusses findings from pediatrician and researcher Clara Davis.  In one study, Davis observed how children accept a variety of foods over time.  As a result, she classified children’s food acceptance in one of three ways. Take a look to see where your child fits: 

The Enthusiastic Eater:  These eaters will try and accept new foods easily and learn to like a variety of foods sooner than most children.  Like some kids learn to talk or read early, these little ones are quick learners in the food department. 

The Steady Accumulator: This is the category in which most kids are likely to fall.  They are cautious with new foods but over time, very gradually, add a variety of food to their repertoire.

The Late Bloomer:  This eating personality often shows up when solids are first started.  These children are extremely cautious with food and may take until middle childhood to learn to like a variety of foods.  While we’ll talk more about the why of picky eating in the next post, some believe these ultra-cautious kids may be “super-tasters,” and are much more sensitive to the taste and texture of foods. 

Temperament

Once you understand how your little one accepts new foods, you also have to consider their temperament.  Are they stubborn?  Easy going?  Somewhere in between?

Why does this matter?  It’s good to know if your kid does better with encouragement or not. Stubborn children are more likely to rebel while easy going kids might do fine with a little push (no forcing of course).

My three-year old is the in-between child, meaning some encouragement is okay but too much turns her off.  I mainly talk to her about trying new foods when she’s not eating.  Like a lot of kids, she takes pride in trying the food on her terms, when she’s ready.  But an easy going, enthusiastic eater is likely to accept encouragement easily.

How much they eat

I just went to a barbecue where I met an enthusiastic eating 7-year old girl.  Before dinner she snacked on fruits, cheese, vegetables and crackers.  She even made her own cracker sandwich with dried fruit and veggies.  I thought, if this was my daughter, there’s no way she would touch her dinner after eating that.  But this girl ate her entire dinner plus 2 servings of dessert.  Oh, and she was tall and thin.

Just as kids accept a variety of food differently, they also eat different quantities.  Bigger kids do not always eat more food than smaller ones.  Each kid comes with their unique metabolism determining how fast or slow they burn calories.

If we try to force kids with little appetites to eat more, they eat even less.  And if we try to restrict kids with big appetites, they’ll want to eat more.  As parents, it’s important to recognize that different kids need different amounts of food. 

Use it to your advantage

My daughter was a great sleeper from day one and responded VERY well to sleep advice.  My son was colicky and did not.  Luckily I armed myself with information about colic to help me get through the tough first 4 months.  I had to accept that my son was not like my daughter in terms of sleep but I also knew he could end up a good of sleeper if I stayed the course.

As a parent you already know your child’s way of eating extremely well.  But if you find yourself constantly frustrated, it’s probably because you are attempting to change an eating personality that is unchangeable.  Maybe you are trying hard to get your late bloomer to be an enthusiastic eater.   Or you are overly pushing your stubborn child to try new foods.  Or you are trying to make your love-to-eat child eat smaller amounts like other kids.

But the best news is that all kids can grow up to be healthy and happy eaters.  It’s just the road to get there will be different for each unique child.  And this series will provide you with the tools you need to be successful.

So I’m curious.  What kind of eater(s) do you have at home?  I have a Steady Accumulator who is semi-stubborn and eats a huge breakfast, medium lunch and picks at dinner.  My littlest one’s eating personality is yet to be determined.

Previous: How to Tell if Your Picky Eater Needs Help
Next: 8 Things Picky Eaters Wish Their Parents Knew

My daughter and I went to her friend’s 3rd birthday party. When it was time to sing happy birthday, the kids swarmed to the table full of cupcakes. When an overweight girl asked her dad for another cupcake, he said “no, one is enough.” The girl kept pleading until she was in full meltdown mode.

Around that same time my daughter asked me for another cupcake, when all she had eaten of the first was the frosting. The mom voice in me wanted to say “you didn’t even eat the cake part, no way!” But because of all I know, I said “sure.” She took one lick and announced to me that she was “all done.”

As we were leaving, I could hear the girl still asking her dad for another cupcake while my daughter had already forgotten about them.

The question every parent needs to ask themselves is the way they feed their child effective in the long run? Let’s examine a few examples and see…

1. Being overly strict with sweet foods: I understand why the father did what he did. He’s worried that his daughter is overweight and needs to limit sweets. But while his daughter might have had only one cupcake at the party (win for Dad), she was left obsessing about the sweet treat. What is the long term implication? It’s very possible she’s going to over-eat sweets the next time she gets a chance.

According to a 2007 review study published in the Journal of Public Health, parents often use restriction to help their overweight children even though research shows it backfires and contributes to further weight gain.

Now the answer is not to give your child sweets anytime they want them. Instead of saying no to their requests, tell them they can have it at another snack or meal (example: can I have a cookie momma? I don’t have that planned for today’s snack but maybe next week). Letting them know they will have a cookie at some future date (instead of yelling “no”) teaches kids that eventually they will have a cookie and when they do they can eat until they’re satisfied. For more on this see 5 Reasons Kids and Parents Thrive on Planned Mealtimes.

2. Making them eat “this” before they can eat “that:” My daughter often has cereal with fruit for breakfast. Lately she’s been eating most of the cereal and little of the fruit. When she’s done with the cereal and asks for more my mom voice tells me to say “not until you take a few bites of your fruit.” If I did that she would eat the fruit and it would make me feel better.

But what does this feeding strategy do over the long run? Which food becomes more desirable to kids – the fruit (or vegetable in other cases) or the cereal? Studies show that asking a child eat a certain food in order to get something else makes them less likely to eat the required food when left to their own devices.

And if I know my daughter, she’ll change her eating again soon. Just a few weeks ago she ate 5 clementines and only had a couple of bites of cereal.

3. Having them take a few more bites before leaving the table: Dinner is my daughter’s – and most likely other kids’ – worst meal of the day. When my daughter barely touches her dinner my mom voice tells me to say “take a few more bites.” And when its really being pushy it adds, “and if you don’t there will be no after-dinner TV.” No doubt this strategy would help get her to eat a little more at dinner time.

But over the long run something else may happen. Instead of listening to her body, she’d learn to focus on external cues to decide when she’s done, including the okay from mom or dad. I know a lot of parents don’t consider weight a problem for their picky eaters, but we all need to remind ourselves that 6 out of 10 adults are either overweight or obese. Teaching children to listen to their hunger and fullness signals is vital for their future health.

So I ignore the mom voice (again) and look my daughter in the eye and ask her if she’s sure she’s done. I ask her if her tummy is full – reminding her to check in with herself. Some kids get distracted at meals and need to be reminded of the task at hand.

Of course other strategies like serving fruits and vegetables as appetizers and making sure kids’ afternoon snack isn’t close to dinnertime can help a great deal.

But as parents we need to challenge that little voice that tells us we can control our little one’s food intake. In fact, studies show that being too controlling or permissive when feeding children is not good for them over the long run. There’s a place in the middle and I struggle to stay there every day.

So if you don’t have a feeding strategy, maybe it’s time to get one. I stick with the division of responsibility and constantly remind myself that it’s my job to provide the food – and it’s my child’s responsibility to eat how much she wants.

You’ll be seeing more posts on managing your child’s intake of sweets in the New Year.

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References:

Clark HR, Goyder E, Bissell P, Blank L, Peters J. How do parents’ child-feeding behavior influence child weight? Implications for childhood obesity policy. J Public Health. 2007. June;29(2):132-41.

Tanofsky-Kraff M, Haynos AF, Kottler LA, Yanovski SZ, Yanovski JA. Laboratory-based studies of eating among children and adolescents. Curr Nutr Food Sci. 2007;3(1):55-74.